I am worried that this post will come off as self righteous. So I need to start by saying that I really believe nurture trumps nature. I believe I am nothing more, nothing less than the result of my specific and unique collection of experiences and conditions. So anything that I am glad for in myself I don’t claim as mine alone, it is thanks to my parents my teachers my friends and my enemies (which of course I don’t believe in but you get the point).
Today my daughter is a year old. Since the second she entered this world I have been a changed woman. I went from 9 years of depression and anger to new mom bliss in an instant and have generally been in good spirits ever since. At some point early on I realized that even though I had never felt certain I really wanted children Life had been preparing me for it for a long time.
There were a lot of things I did and was interested in just in case I might have kids some day- my concern for the environment, my health, and world peace…All the years of reading self help books and cleansing, the great man I held on to who I knew would be a good partner…at some point in my youth I stopped eating tuna because I had learned the high Mercury levels were especially bad for developing fetuses! I think I was like 17 at that point!!
And for all that preparation I am so thankful. It has given me and my precious baby such an amazing foundation of health in various ways. It has given me the strength and the faith to stick by my motherly instincts and stand up for what my baby needs.
An example: as a mom who is lucky enough to be home with my baby most of the time my resolve to avoid TV and other blinky-noisey-hyperactivity-inducing-toys has been severely challenged. But I know that the tranquility of her environment contributes to her wellbeing. So I found a way – strongly motivated by my experiences and knowledge. Because I know that this first year is fundamentally foundational for Ellie’s physical and mental (same same) health. So again, so thankful.
Of course I am far from perfect. I do plenty that is harmful. But again, thanks to my experience I can have peace with that and face it without judgement but with the resolve to grow in those places too.
I have so much love for this perfect little person that I am blessed to get to grow with hopefully for the rest of this long life. Happy birthday to her, happy birthday to me and Troy and many many thanks to our community and families and everyone ever for doing your best to in this crazy world!