My family, we have a new blog. It is dedicated to commune research. We talk a lot about living together in the country, raising most of our own food and focusing only on the simpler but richer things in life. That blog is for internal purposes – sharing information and discussing ideas for income or location.
I wanted to post to that blog, but I don’t have anything technical to say on this first day of 2013. I am all existential this morning. Over the past two weeks I have been up and down with this idea – of living as a tribe with my closest relations and ideally some friends, too. It sounds like heaven to me. I see fresh green leaves emerging from rich earth, I feel the fire in my muscles as I chop wood, a smile spreads across my face as we sing and play music together. I am not a lone, wondering what to do with my days.
We want to have children soon. But I don’t want them in our current situation, which would require day care and distraction to keep them entertained. I want my children to grow up in community with elders and other children. I want them to be able to play in the dirt and make toys from sticks, where not everything they want to touch and explore is a “no-no”. All the children I see around me here are handed plastic toys or set in front of the TV so mom can get something done. That makes me sad.
But I worry, too. How will we afford land, property tax and health care? I guess that is my main concern – money. How do we do it as a group and from the country? I want to live this simple, clean life but it seems nearly impossible. I feel sick from the fear and despair.
Beyond that I have one additional worry. Is this goal mainly serving as escapism? Is all of this researching and fretting simply preventing me from being present and having community now? Should I just be happy where I am and continue down the path I am presented with or do I rally for what I think will be a life more closely in line with what I want and what I think is best for our world??? Round and round I go…