B is for Body.

My back pain started in July 2005. By that fall it was constant and nagging in one spot and within a year it was full blown low back pain on my right side – but I really had no idea what had hit me. If only I had know at that point to really focus on and address it. Unfortunately I didn’t and it started to spread throughout the entire right side of my body…Neck, jaw, shoulder, armpit, arm, pectoral, shoulder blade, thoracic back, around the rib cage, mid and low back, butt hip groin thigh, back of knee…aggravated and aching and nagging with occasional spasms that make me want to kill things…

I was trying some different things. I saw a PT for a while, had massages, chiropractic, then a different PT and taping, tried acupuncture, talked to a pain specialist, the rolfing 10 series and then some, had Xrays and an MRI…the good news? Nothing was wrong with me (ha)! But the pain kept steadily spreading.

At first I was in denial about being in constant pain. I couldn’t believe that- yep, your life is happening and it is just going to be a lot of pain, every moment of it. I remember being at a potluck sometime in 2008 and watching everyone carrying on with the standard jovial banter that I had previously enjoyed – I felt so overcome with frustration and unhappiness. I was in shock. I could no longer to ignore this pain, it was consuming me.

So I started getting counseling and reading books on spirituality and eventually cleansing, yoga and meditation. Life is a struggle for many and always has been. This knowledge did not make me feel better but at least gave me something to contemplate and distract myself with. It gave me another focus and helped me find compassion and have an appreciation for the struggles and effort of all. Beautiful, right? I guess, but I still pondered the point in pushing on.

So 7+ years out and my back pain is still aggravated and has spread to the extremities, I have started getting headaches and just last week – a sharp burning pain in my right heel that I feel growing and connected to my hip and thigh…

That’s it. I don’t have a happy note of conclusion. I just needed to put it out there. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

I want to share this video because I can relate. Being forced to be so connected with my body through pain has also connected me with the struggles of all sick people and I know that this is connected to our sick planet and it all has the same root. But Eve Ensler says it much better in her TED talk – Suddenly, my body.



About burlamber

Just another person trying to find my way in the world!
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