I am #blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom. And I choose to do so. Because I want to watch my child grow. We don’t get many opportunities for that in this isolated iculture. But at the same, time I am driven past the limits of my sanity on a regular basis.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about either you don’t have kids or you have one of those that just sits there and googles cute baby drool and giggles until they fall asleep peacefully and you lay them down and breathe a sigh of contentment that all is right in the world. Well I’m here to tell you, it’s not.
For example, my baby does not usually sleep unless I’m laying with her. That translates 4-6 hours most days that go down the tubes. So I am not capable of doing all the things that are needed on my own. Something is always falling through the cracks. Whether it’s my lunch or her need for emotional support or social interaction or fresh air and exercise or my marriage’s need for time or my need for support and inspiration or living in an environmentally sustainable way or or or… As a result I lost my shit a long time ago.
Some moms sacrifice themselves, some the babies (yes, I think CIO is literally baby torture). Some voluntarily go back to work and let a babysitter deal with it. I suppose some find a happy medium. But try as I might this has eluded me. And I’m not alone.
You see there are these groups on FB that I didn’t know we’re there…until I became a mom who nursed all day. These groups? They are FULL of moms freaking the fuck out. Sometimes it’s blatant sometimes it’s a passive aggressive call for help…”hey mamas, I can have a glass of wine before noon if the baby is asleep, eh??” Ha fucking ha. That shit is messed up and a serious call for help. And we’re supposed to then be able to nurture the most vulnerable members of our society??
The thing I keep coming back to is that we really messed it all up when we moved away from the tribe. The fact is, babies need mommies AND mommies need community. Whoa! AND babies need community! Whoa!! We need the space to do our own work AND we need to work together and be made aware of how our actions effect others. Because we are (interconnected). And because healthy interdependence grows us.
When living communally we can live more efficiently. We don’t need stupid life sucking screens because we have real interaction. We heal the divide between race and political parties and religion because we witness and work with the vulnerability that is neatly tucked away most of the time in our current system.
I’m here to say: it’s not working. Not for me, not for the babies, not for the environment, not for anyone. And I’m heading for the commune as quick as I can.